By Eric Nelson, Director of Counseling and Psychological Services Parenting in a Pandemic: Strategies for Supporting your Westmont Student

For many of us, parenting and family life during the pandemic has proven more challenging than expected. In these unprecedented times, it’s stressful and often overwhelming for young adults (and truly all of us) to adjust to the rapid, unexpected changes in our lives. Terms like “social isolation” and “shelter in place” compose a scenario we would never have predicted at the outset of 2020. In the often unpredictable sequence of life, we tend to become stuck fretting about things we can’t change, which spills over into strained relationships and high stress. For both ourselves and our students, it’s critical to make space for the difficulty we feel in this season, accepting those things we don’t control. In addition, it’s critical for us to manage effectively what we can, particularly those things we control.

As you support your family, you may find these tips helpful for not just surviving but perhaps even thriving through these circumstances. You know your son or daughter best; be attuned to what you know and perhaps incorporate some of these ideas.

How do I support my student transitioning to a virtual academic environment?

• Be available. Check in, inquire about the adjustment, and ask if they need anything. Recognize that although they may initially decline your support, your repeated interest and inquiry open avenues of support that may be essential as they move through this new academic experience.
• Assist them in setting up the actual physical space for their remote learning, and ask if they need anything (e.g., desk lamp, paper supplies, whiteboard with to-dos, snacks).
• Ask your student what they need to be successful, and what practical ways you can support them.
• Encourage them to stay active in communicating with the college, checking and responding to email daily, and reaching out when needed. Their professors want to assist, but students can sometimes be reluctant to reach out.

How can I support the grief my student is experiencing and any anxiety or stress related to the threat and implications of COVID-19?

Grief, loss, disappointment, discouragement, loneliness, anxiety, stress, frustration, etc., can all be typical responses to the recent changes in your student’s life. They’ll likely need space to both experience and express this loss and stress.

• Let them process and vent. Listen; do not solve. Many of the emotions students are facing don’t have an easy fix. Although they may be expressing frustration about one thing, they may be reacting to feelings of grief about something else. Monitor your own inclination to fix things. Instead, sit with your student as they navigate how to respond.
• Students are grieving the loss of significant life events and experiences. They may need to process this again and again in conversation. We move through grief by experiencing the pain of it, and it can be helpful to create moments of connection and enjoyment even in these unwanted circumstances. Assist your student in both grieving and making use of this season. How can they stay connected with friends, pursue their future (e.g., work on a resume), and take care of their physical body? 
• Be aware of your own needs and emotions during this time. The shock of the societal shift is remarkable and substantial. Families tend to be more on edge in these times, more easily triggered, less patient, and prone to argue about the mundane. Validate the difficulty of this season and use it to draw the family together. When you’re feeling rattled, take a moment to breathe before you respond.
• Talking to someone can help. Seeking professional counseling or speaking with clergy can be beneficial. Students can receive free and confidential counseling through Westmont Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS). Sessions are available to students through phone and video connections from licensed mental health providers at Westmont, and all they need to do to request an appointment is send an email to caps@westmont.edu.
• Moderate the household access to news media, which increases anxiety and distress in significant situations. Keep news updates to once daily and limit exposure as needed.

How can we live together well in these times?

• Patience, flexibility, and understanding are essential. Your family has likely not been in a scenario like this before. Open dialogue is important.
• Recognize the uniqueness of this situation, which is dissimilar to high school (your young adult is acclimated to the freedom that comes with life at college). This is not summer break (they are a full-time student working through a heavy academic schedule). Household expectations likely look different. Discuss and renegotiate with your student.
• If you aren’t attending to your own needs, it can be difficult to attend to those around you. Practice good self-care. What indicators suggest you need to take time to cope? What can you do in this season to cope well?
• For extra tips, consult these books:
  • “Grown and Flown” (both the book and the online content)
  • “Doing Life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out,” by Jim Burns
  • “Growing With: Every Parent’s Guide to Helping Teenagers and Young Adults Thrive in Their Faith, Family, and Future,” by Kara Powell and Steven Argue